Give Thanks?

Since the glorious invention of school holidays, I've had some time to think about what I'm truly thankful for in my life.

God has given me a load of experiences to recall, retell, and reminisce on. He's given me a number of summers and trips I'll not easily forget. In London he gave me a passion for the peoples of the Middle East. In Kenya, he gave me a look into the lives of the people I admire and strive to be like. In Greece he broke my heart with the thirst of the people we served for His Word. In Haiti, he showed me how to love people that I barely knew and how to serve Him in seemingly impossible conditions. God has blessed me with the materials and the funds to afford and savor these trips. I have seen devastated families homes repaired and rebuilt. I have seen children who grew up in horrible circumstances accept Christ with willing hearts. I've rededicated my life and had my soul replenished so often that I feel guilty about those that don't have that luxury. I am also thankful that I have so much to look forward to. I believe that this summer will change my life drastically. Being the last summer before I go to college, I can pretty much guarantee that God's going to break my heart. Again.

The family that surrounds me is another thing that I am continuously thankful for. I don't say it often enough, but I couldn't have a better family. Yes, we are all busy and we have our differences, but when we are together and enjoying ourselves, I couldn't be happier. I have a mother who's willing to go in debt for me even when I am too vain to realize slash say thank you. I have a dad who's always there and always has a free ear for me to talk at. My brother is like this endless source of amazing information that I don't know how I live without during the week. It's amazing. It's true: I love my brother. Shocker.

My friends are another story. They're pretty much the things that keep me going. Sometimes I get snappy or they're PMSing, but usually things work out and the fact that we can bounce things like that off of each other is amazing in itself because it lets us know that in the future we'll have that knowledge and experience to use in our lives. Wow. Run-on.

There is really only one thing that I'm not thankful for. This requires some background info:

In Sunday School the past few weeks, we've been studying Spiritual Gifts. We took a little test, and I found that a couple of mine include Arts/Craftsmanship, Missionary, Writing, and Administration/Guidance. The first three are pretty self explanatory. I love art, that that's plain, I like to write, also plain, and I'm drawn to missionaries and their work, and that is something I wouldn't mind undertaking in the near to distant future. However, Administration/Guidance has always and continues to cause problems for me. In this case, a person with this gift is a planner. Someone who is a thinker and is good at leading people to achieve goals for not only themselves and their community, but for the Lord. This is me. God created me to be an outspoken person who comes up with plans, ideas and such. I want to be a business major. Wonder why. Anyway, I have always known that some people don't like people like me. Some people don't exactly love it when other people spew ideas out of their head like they were a regurgitating toilet. (lovely analogy, yes?) Lately, it seems as though people don't listen to me as much as I thought. In a ministry team meeting tonight, (a group of which I am perceived as somewhat of a leader) every idea that I proposed was denied. Just like that. Either "uh, no, I don't think so." or "Uh, maybe not." Then later, when others brought up the same ideas, they were welcomed with open arms. I was upset, sulking and believing that maybe they just didn't hear or remember my suggesting them, or maybe I'm not being cynical enough, and they just don't like me. But then, I decided to learn from this. 'Cause I don't know if anyone even reads this.

I'm tired of the weird looks, and I'm tired of being put down for my ideas. It is extremely hard to change your personality, cause the way you're made is usually the way you're always going to be, but fo' real. I need this change. 

Please welcome Alli, the new, improved--and quiet--girl you know.

PS. Or maybe it just has to do with a friend of mine who acts totally different around their significant other.

*EDIT*

Screw that.

I just saw I friend of mine's facebook status: "Why are we all trying to be the same when God made us so different?"

She's right. If God made me this way, then DOGGONE IT that's the way he wants me to be. I, as a maturing young woman, just need to learn to control and use this gift (of gab) of administration in the right way.

Amen.